The Cave of Dragonflies ASB Database


4 / 8


Hair are an Unovan musician, singer-songwriter, music and film producer who— somehow, in spite of their lack of hands— achieved international fame as the lead guitarists of the Meatles. Often referred to as "the hairy Meatle", Hair embraced Johtonian culture and helped broaden the scope of popular music through their incorporation of Johtonian instrumentation and Johto-aligned spirituality in the Meatles' work. Although the majority of the band's songs were written by fellow band-mates Tooth and Nail, most Meatles albums from 1965 onwards contained at least two Hair compositions. Their songs for the group included "GRBRGLBGWAR", "MFGHRMGRRRR", "BGHMMMMBRAP", "HRNGHRAWRLLL" and "Moonlight Serenade".

Hair's earliest musical influences included that sound your stomach makes about fifteen seconds after eating ice cream despite your lactose intolerance; Carl Perkins, Chet Atkins and the barely-suppressed sneeze of a German monk in the dark, but impressively acoustic monastery were subsequent influences. By 1965, they had begun to lead the Meatles into gastro-rock through their interest in the digestive system, and towards Johtonian classical music through his characteristic beating of a furret's head against the plywood wall on "Kalosian Wood (This Bird Is Suffocating In A Pile Of Hair)". Having initiated the band's embracing of Transcendental Meditation in 1967, he subsequently developed an association with the Hair Krishna movement. After the band's break-up in 1970, Hair released the triple album All Things Must Pass (lol), a critically acclaimed work that produced their most successful hit single, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", and introduced his signature sound as a solo artist, the slide guitar. They also organised the 1971 Concert for New Bark Town with Johtonian musician Eusene, a precursor to later benefit concerts such as Live Aid. In their role as a music and film producer, Hair produced acts signed to the Meatles' Apple record label before founding Dark Ponyta Records in 1974 and co-founding HairMade Films in 1978.

Hair released several best-selling singles and albums as a solo performer. In 1988, they co-founded the platinum-selling supergroup the Traveling Hairfurries. Rolling Stone magazine ranked them numbers 10 and 11 in their list of the "100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time". They are a two-time Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee – as a member of the Meatles in 1988, and later for their solo career in 2004.

Hair's first marriage, to doduo model Pattie Bird in 1966, ended in divorce in 1977. The following year he married Olivia Hairias, with whom they had a son, Fluffy. In the end, it turned out that Hair actually couldn't play the guitar due to their lack of hands and was actually the butt of a colossal in-joke that everyone on the planet except them was sharing in. Following this revelation, Hair retired from show business and began work as a rookie ASB battler at the age of 58, two years after surviving a knife attack by an intruder at their home. They maintain an estate of almost £100 million.